When I learned tango, we were taught that a good dancer learns to adjust to myriad styles and partners. What I have been hearing from distraught students, is that other dancers are correcting them at milongas, explaining how they are dancing “wrong” because their style does not match the other person’s style.
Do not give feedback at milongas
Giving feedback at milongas is not appropriate! When people are dancing at a milonga, you adapt as best you can to the other person’s idiosyncrasies, and you dance your best. I make sure I teach all my students to respect other people’s dances and styles, but unfortunately, this is not a widespread practice.
Think a moment before you decide to preach the gospel of your style on the dance floor! The other people there are dancing to have fun. When you critique them, you are destroying their confidence and their mood. As one of my students put it when they told me they would look for a different city to dance in instead of returning to dance in Portland: “I don’t need anyone to harsh on my joy of dancing.” I find it sad that someone criticized a beginner enough that they plan to avoid the entire tango scene.
How would you feel if I said, “Can I give you some advice?” while we are dancing? Just because you have danced for five or ten or twenty years does not give you the permission to preach on the dance floor. Hold your tongue until a class or practica and then offer your pearls of wisdom.
Try to adjust and make the best of the tanda
Dancing at a milonga is not the time to convert a dancer to “the correct style” you dance. No one is willing to just jettison their training and join your tango church on the fly :-) Why should they? What we really need is more tolerance for letting dancers do their thing. Look at it as a challenge to adapt successfully, SILENTLY, and protect your body at the same time.
For example, how I teach is based on how the body moves and what you need to do to use your body efficiently and optimally. It’s not a "tango style” as much as an opportunity to know how your body moves best. I did love it when I asked Gustavo Naveira what the style I was doing was called, and he said, “Normal?”
Not everyone comes from the build-it-on-your-body school of tango. There are dozens of styles. Do you want to add a lean? Sure! It is a recognized style. It’s much harder on your body, but if you want to put more wear and tear on your body, that’s up to you. However, I don’t want to hurt myself, so I try to find a way to dance with you that makes you feel good and lets me dance in an anatomically safe position.
The main point is to have fun!!
How do you problem-solve for unique styles?
Each week in my class, we play silly games where we impersonate various kinds of dancers and try to fix the situation in a way that protects our bodies AND ALSO does not come across as criticism of the other person. The goal is to make both people feel more comfortable and for the dance to work better.
How do you “level up” a person who leans to one side? How you lead a person who is floppy? What can you do to relieve an arm-wrestling embrace? As a follower, how can you protect your body while still appearing to lean on leader who keeps pulling you off your axis? We try one solution per week and build our repertoire of useful “hacks” to expand the number of people we can dance with successfully.
What do I love about the problem-solving part of class? Dancers are having fun! Everyone is giggling, being silly, and dancing better because the pressure is off to dance ideally. Making mistakes on purpose is fun, and most dancers take it to hilarious extremes that make normal problem solving feel easy.
Dance with everyone
When I go to a milonga, I accept dances and ask people to dance regardless of level or style. Is that person smiling? Do they look like it’s been a few tandas since they got to dance? Do I see the obsessive tango gleam in their eyes? I don’t dance to look good. I don’t dance to show off. I dance to have fun.
Do you dance a different style than I do? I see that as a fun challenge.